Draco Malfoy's Journal
by musicMANIAC08
Summary: When You-Know-Who was defeated I was put into Azkaban. My sanity was pushed to the edge. I was almost lost when HE came. I was brought from insanity and given a second chance. HP/DM Warning: I'm not sure what will come in the future so I'm rating it T.
1. Chapter 1

Draco Malfoy's Journal

Chapter 1: The Paper

Harry Potter

HP/DM

musicMANIAC08

Just a side note: This one I have made in honor of my friend Rachel. Love You Girl!!

Summery: When You-Know-Who was defeated I was put into Azkaban. My sanity was pushed to the edge and I was almost lost when he came. I was brought back from insanity and given a second chance.

Three years of Azkaban and I was then put into the care of my sworn enemy. His task was to get as much information out of me as possible about the runaway death eaters. He had done well in getting me settled into his home where I was watched over by Granger, Weasley, or himself 24/7. It's horrible.

I lay in bed, an old mattress, in my room at twelve o' clock at night. I stopped trying to sleep many months ago, the fear of nightmares too strong. Insomnia was okay to deal with except for the lack of strength and eventually I would be forced to face the nightmares by exhaustion. I told no one of my problem even though it was quite obvious because of the rings around my sharp blue eyes.

I wasn't anorexic, I just had a hard time eating and keeping it down. It wasn't like the food in Azkaban was very edible though so I was kind of used to not eating very much. When I was placed into Potters' care he tried to feed me healthy meals (He even tried force feeding), but got frustrated when I took a few bites and stopped. It was obvious that he hadn't realized how a person changes in abandon for three years.

He thought I was pathetic, but I thought I did well compared to some of the others in the prison. He did trust me enough to sleep in my own room, with every single spell he could think of to keep me in. The room was bare except for the mattress, with covers, and dresser with papers and pens on top of it. I suppose he wants me to write something down, like a confession or names or something like that. I had others in mind though when I had gotten up off the bed and walked to the dresser.

I studied the papers while I put up my hair with a band that potter had so graciously given me (sarcasm you just have to love it). I picked up the pen and hunched over the paper, my many years of learning how to hold my self lost in the few of torture. I started and it took me many hours to finish my thought out strategy and was very satisfied.

I would make sure no one found this paper. I took it to my mattress and slipped it between the floor and the mattress. I would guard it, no one would find out. I lay back down on the mattress and waited till the door opened swiftly and Granger strolled in to give me my check up as she did every other day. While she worked I inwardly smirked. Yes, no one would find out.


	2. Chapter 2

Draco Malfoy's Journal

Chapter 2: The Book

musicMANIAC08

HP/DM

Note: I am so sorry to those who I told that it would come out Friday, but my dad called and asked me to come over and his computer is crashed so I just now got it out. I' M SO SORRY!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!

'I think I make them uncomfortable.' I though watching them as they ate. Weasley muttered a lot, Granger fidgets, and Potter glanced around trying not to meet my eyes. I sighed through my nose quietly and turned my attention to my plate. Bacon, eggs, and ham. 'They do realize I won't eat all this right? I mean, haven't they learned that?' I questioned myself, 'These people are even more dim then I remember from school. I thought Granger was supposed to be smart.' I took up my fork and ate a bite of eggs savoring the taste. I glanced up and saw them trying not to stare at me. I quickly lost my appetite at that. Their staring made me uncomfortable.

After realizing I wasn't going to eat any more Granger stood up and collected all the dishes. She seemed to be the only one who did house work. I watched as she washed the dishes and Potter and Weasley exited the kitchen. Every now and then she would glance up to me and then the door the others exited into the living room. She probably thought something bad was about to happen. Suddenly there was yelling in the living room and I sighed through my nose. ' I seem to be sighing a lot lately.' I thought standing up and entering the living room, leaving Granger to roll her eyes and ignore the others.

'I can't believe they're fighting over a book.' I scowled. How immature. Apparently Weasley found a book in a shelf and thought it wasn't very manly since it was a romance. On the other hand, Potter said it was that Weasley girl's book. I never could remember her name, I think it was Gippy or something like that, not like I care anyway. Their yelling was getting very annoying _**very**_ fast. I sighed and walked over and ripped the book out of Weasley's hands.

'The Love's Demise' is what the title said. I quickly read the back as they stared at me. It was a book about a witch and a vampire. She falls in love and the vampire kills her to save her then takes his own life. Sounded boring, but if I read it then they _**might **_**shut up. **I went and sat down on a recliner and started to read. "See, perfect example of it being girly. Malfoy's reading it." My eyes snapped up and gave him a peircing glare. -WACK- I threw the book at him. I smirked 'This is going to be an interesting day.' I thought as Harry laughed at him. Wait did I just call him HARRY??

And so the love begins...


	3. Chapter 3

Draco Malfoy Ch. 3

After my life was threatened by Weasley, even though his threat wasn't very threatening because of the huge bruise on his cheek, I realized they couldn't inflict physical harm.

'You'd think he'd be able dodge a book since he played quiditch. Not that he was that good.' I thought rolling my eyes as I was "sent to my room" by Granger for "bad behavior."

'She acts as if I'm three. I'm old enough to know what's right and wrong. I just choose to do wrong a lot. Who does she think she is? My mom or something?..Mom....I haven't thought about her in a while...Is she okay? Is she dead?And if so where is she buried?'

Dread filled my body as I went on thinking about her. I needed to see her, but how? Asking Weasley was out of the question...Maybe Granger...She would tell the others....My only other choice is Harr-Potter. But how do I convince him to take me to her? I pondered this for a few hours before deciding what I had to do. I might have to change a few thing.

I entered the kitchen the next morning, But only Granger was there. I was quickly informed that Potter and Weasley were going to the ministry of magic to report my behavior, as they do every month.

'What losers.' I thought sitting down at the table. 'Always choosing to follow the rules.'

A plate full of delicious food was set in front of me and I nibbled on the eggs. How was I supposed to talk to Potter if he wasn't even here? I studied Granger. If I was to mention something interesting that would catch her attention then most likely I would be confronted by Weasley or Potter. Hopefully the latter.

A thought occurred to me. Since my voice was gone how was I to mention anything?

'I might as well try.' I thought, getting an idea. I quickly drank all my water, almost gagging in the middle of it. Her back was to me and that was good. She might have a heart attack. When the cup was empty I gagged lightly. I painfully forced it down. When I finally stopped, I grunted. She turned to me.

"More.....Water." I demanded forcing out the words.

She screamed and dropped the plate she held in her hand. I sighed silently.

'I guess I won't be getting any water anytime soon. I shouldn't have done that with a plate in her hand.....Oh well.' I thought.


	4. Chapter 4

'I had a feeling I was going to regret that.' I thought miserably kneeling beside the toilet. I flushed the toilet, but didn't get up. My stomach churned and I leaned back over the edge.

My throat burned as I threw up whatever was in my body, as well as some stomach acid, I'm sure. I groaned and leaned back, flushing the toilet (hopefully) for the last time.

'There's going to be some problems if I have to do that again.' I thought resting against the wall. The cool tile on the floor was cooling my body down. I was feeling extremely hot. I slid to the floor and set my cheek against the cool tile. Nausea swept over me and I groaned, pulling myself upright and over the toilet again.

I was having trouble keeping my hair out of my face, having forgot my hair holder in my room. I felt my hair being pulled up and held out of the way. My throat burned as I finally stopped barfing up my insides. I felt my hair being released and it draped around my face again. I grabbed the towel beside the toilet and wiped my mouth.

"What's with the sudden change in appetite?" Harry asked. I didn't answer and instead threw the towel in the hamper near the shower. "I have to wonder if you were trying to improve or you were trying to punish yourself." He started to talk to himself. "But then again….nothing you have done before would suggest any remorse or wanting to change so that's out." I leaned against the wall as he took off his glasses and started cleaning them, still talking. "But why would you want to punish yourself? I would think that you would think that you got enough punishment when you went to Azkaban. So that option is out."

'He'll get there.' I thought leaning my head against the cold wall.

"So why would you suddenly gulp down all your water and ask for more? You haven't talked before." He was asking me that. I just smirked lightly and closed my eyes. Sleep sounded good right about now and I'm sure he would figure it out by morning. Plus the fact he would torture himself till he figured it out sounded pleasing to me.

I sighed slightly and let myself drift off to sleep as he went on muttering to himself.


	5. Chapter 5

I wasn't in the bathroom anymore. I decided that before I even thought of waking up. I was on a bed. A very comfortable bed. 'This definantly isn't my bed.' I thought straining to open my eyes. Suddenly, my eyes were hit with an astounding amount of white. I groaned and closed my eyes again.

'A hospital?!' I thought miserably.

Memories of the tests they forced on me in this hospital came flooding back. I heard my heart rate pick up and I started unconsciously hyperventilating. I kept my eyes closed and tried to force the nightmares away. I groaned and brought my hand up to my head. I didn't work. Something was restricting my hand. I tried my other hand and got the same result.

My eyes snapped open when I realized my feet couldn't move either. My heart monitor started going crazy when I saw my limbs attached to the edge of a table. I was laying on a table, on my back.


	6. Chapter 6

The door opened and a familiar face entered the room. I struggled with my restraints as she neared me. She sighed and muttered to herself before reaching down and pushing me down back on the table. Her hands felt like ice. The beeping of the heart monitor sped up even more and I was growing annoyed with it. I broke out in a sweat and my throat seemed unusually dry. I didn't want her touching me. I let out a strangled yell before everything went black again.

Nothing had changed when I opened my eyes except the lady was gone and Potter had taken her place. I was happy to hear that the monitor wasn't speeding up again. I breathed deeply and tried sitting up. I found my arms and legs had been released and I sighed with relief. I propped myself up and felt my back pop. My body was sore.

"You had a panic attack." His voice startled me and I looked over at him, meeting his gaze. "Your fever has gone down and you'll be released back into my care soon." He seemed to get lost in thought and I turned away from him. Swinging my feet over the edge of the bed took some effort and the covers ended up on the floor.

My muscles screamed at me to stay still, but I had to go to the bathroom, bad. The wires started pulling at my arm and I glared at them angrily. There was lots of movement behind me and I glanced backward. Potter was moving toward me.

"Let me help. You'll get stuck." He walked around the bed and I stared at him as he approached. His hands worked at the needles in my arms and usually it would hurt to take them out, but it didn't when Potter did it. It was almost like his touch alone could send all the feeling in my body away.

Suddenly, the heart monitor sped up and he paused. His fingers were still on my arm when he looked up at my eyes. I met his eyes and inwardly screamed at my heart to slow down. He must have taken the beeping as discomfort or pain because he muttered a quick 'sorry' and tried getting out the needles faster. He took each one out except the heart monitor ( to my annoyance ).

Going to the bathroom wasn't the problem, I found out. The problem was trying to get the heart monitor into the bathroom without flashing Potter. By the time I had gone to the bathroom and settled back into my bed, Potter had left the room. When he left I had decided one thing. Potter is getting a little too nice.


	7. Chapter 7

It was now about twelve o' clock. I had been back in my holding house for six hours, twenty-three minutes, and officially seven seconds. I hated to say it, but it felt good to be back in my own room. The trip to the hospital had been a long and agitating experience. Potter never bothered me after he left my room earlier today and it was Granger that ended up taking me to the house I reside in. I refused to call this place my home. The second I am left out, I am going to America. I can't stand it in this country any more.

I heard the footsteps of Granger, who is always the last one up, walk past my door and up the stairs. She never checked in on me anymore. She didn't feel the need to. Once I heard her door shut and the house go silent; I got out of bed. Kneeling beside the mattress, I reached under the worn bedding. My hand touched something course and I smirked to myself. I pulled the papers out from under the bed and stood up. I walked to the dresser and noticed some more paper on it. One of the trio must have noticed I did something with the others. Oh well, this worked for my cause.

I took the pencil that sat on the dresser and walked back over to my bed. I bounced slightly after plopping my butt on the mattress. I scooted back and leaned my back on the wall before bringing my knees up.

Using my knees as a table, I started on my work. It was two-seventeen in the morning when I finished. I had used up all the pages that had sat on my dresser. Getting up off of the bed was the hard part. My back popped a few times before I was standing and I groaned. It felt weird to be able to make sounds, but not words. The nurse that gave me medicine told me that when I spoke had been the most strain my vocal chords had been under for a long time.

After storing the papers back under the bed like I had before, I took my pencil back to the dresser and got back in bed. I was suddenly very tired. All this drama was wearing me out mentally and physically. It wasn't long till I was fast asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

What Draco didn't realize was that the muggle born washed his bedding every two weeks. It had not gone past her notice of the papers going missing and she made up her mind to find out where Draco was hiding them. She entered Draco's room one day while he read in the living room. She looked around the room. The room looked really bare. With only a bed and a dresser, there was very little room in there. She was suddenly struck with horror. Had her hatred for Draco blinded her from what really mattered? Making him into a good citizen. How in the world was he to become civilized toward them if they didn't even treat him nicely.

Deciding to start on turning over a new leaf, she started at the task at hand. She stripped the mattress of its bedding and made a pile by the door. Setting her hands on her hips, she looked around the room. There really weren't that many places to hide the papers. There weren't any windows in the room, so throwing them out of the window was out. She checked in the drawers and didn't find anything. She felt dirty. She shouldn't be looking through his belongings because she was suspicious. It was wrong to do, but she couldn't stop now; she just started. Finding the drawers almost empty (this sent a pang through her heart) she turned to the only place else they could be. The bed.

She lifted the top mattress onto its side and leaned it on the wall. She felt all around the mattress and didn't find them. Growing a little frustrated, she lifted the bottom mattress onto its side. There was the sound of flying papers and she knew she'd found them. After setting the mattress against the other, she leaned down and snatched the papers off the ground.

She was filled with awe and let out a gasp. The top page of the stack was a beautiful picture of Draco's mother. It was pencil drawn and it was breath taking. She couldn't believe it. He had so much talent behind those emotionless eyes and shadowed face. The picture was so magnificently drawn that she took a few minutes to look at it. It was a portrait of her face. She looked young. He probably drew it from memory. It looked like he had taken a picture and drawn it.

After recovering from the shock, she slid the front page at the bottom of the stack. Flipping through a few pages, she realized that the rest had writing on them. She contemplated on reading them for a minute. Deciding, she walked to the door and closed it. She put the mattresses back down how they were and sat on them. Luckily, the light gave off enough light for her to read.

The first page was heart wrenching. It was all about the things he wanted to do and now can't. It was also about how he missed his mom. The next few pages reminded Hermione of a journal. He wrote down what happened on that day and how he felt about it. Hermione started to feel as if she wanted to hurl as she went on and read about what happened at the hospital. He had written about the tests and the strange lady that visited his room. Out of all of the pages, what shocked Hermione the most was how much he wrote about Harry. Every few lines Harry's name was mentioned. Hermione almost giggled when she read about how he had an embarrassing experience with Harry at the hospital. She laughed out loud when she read the paragraph dedicated about how he was going to destroy every heart monitor in the world.

Miss Granger had been so hooked in reading the slightly crumpled stack of papers in her hand that she didn't notice the door open until it was too late. She jumped slightly and turned toward the door, trying to hide the papers behind her back. She suddenly came face to face with……


	9. Chapter 9

Draco Malfoy could not believe his eyes. Granger was standing there in his room, reading the papers that he tried so hard to hide. At first he stood frozen in the doorway, eyes widened. Then his eyes suddenly narrowed and he quickly stepped into the door and closed it behind himself, locking it.

Granger's form hadn't moved an inch since the sight of Draco hit her. It wasn't until she saw the door lock that she was snapped out of it. She immediately stepped back, away from the man who started stalking toward her.

Draco's footsteps were even and long, while Granger's were small and clumsy. It wasn't long till Draco had Hermione pressed up against the wall. There was no need to restrain her. His gaze seemed to petrify her.

Hermione saw something flash behind Draco's eyes and suddenly he wasn't angry anymore. He was cool and collected; he looked how he usually did when they were back in Hogwarts. He was completely in control of the situation and Hermione couldn't do a thing about it. She hadn't thought of bringing her wand and he was physically bigger than her.

Draco took a deep breath and held out his hand. Hermione gently handed over the papers. She felt like a child being guilted by the way Draco was acting. He wasn't doing anything and she felt as bad as if he had hit her.

Draco kept his gaze on her till he turned and walked back to his bed. Picking up the mattress, he slipped the papers back under them and turned back to the muggle born. She was clearly petrified and confused. He calmly walked back to her and stood a foot before her.

She looked up at him and gulped lightly. Then, before she could say anything, he muttered a sentence that changed everything.

"I'd like to visit my mother."


	10. Chapter 10

Hermione froze completely as the words slipped out. Her eyes glazed over, she stood stalk still, and she stopped breathing. At first, Draco thought she was lost in his eyes, but when he moved to the side, her eyes didn't move. The way she was acting wasn't how he expected her to react, but he was more curious about why she suddenly froze like that.

He lifted his hand and slowly waved his hand in front of her face, hoping to break her out of her stare, but it didn't work. Draco scowled, what in world happened to her?? He remembered how in the movies how the people shook or slapped the people who froze, but he didn't want to end up back in Azkaban. It's not the most appealing consequence.

After a few seconds she suddenly took in a breath. Apparently she remembered to breathe. Draco took a step back from the muggle born and recomposed his face. She seemed to be doing the same; she took a deep breath and straightened her stance.

Hermione's mind finally calmed down from the shock and she didn't find any reason as to why he couldn't see his mother. She had deducted that he missed his mother a lot from his diary. The request hadn't been what had bothered her, it was that he spoke so suddenly. It was the most he had spoken in three or four years.

Finally, Granger nodded her head to Draco and walked passed him (trying not to faint from the look Draco was directing at her). When the door closed behind her, Draco took a deep breath. For the first time in four years, he let a smile decorate his features.

At first, it felt weird, but it was a good kind of weird. It wasn't a large smile and it didn't last long, but after it disappeared, you could still see it in his eyes.

'I'll finally be able to see my mother.' He thought before going to sit on his bed, not realizing how much would take place after she left the room.


End file.
